I’ve never written a Christmas letter before, so I went straight Google and sought out Christmas Letters 101. And you know what? It appears there are rules to follow when writing a this kind of letter and the numero uno rule, the mother of all mother rules, the big Kahuna rule is: don’t brag.
In fact, the site emphatically says, never, ever, ever brag. So I guess I can’t tell you that I got divorced this year, and I am happier than I’ve ever been in my life, or that I got the house and the kid so my address remains the same. I won’t tell you any of that.
Moving on to rule two.
Christmas Letters 101 states the letter should be light and airy. This is good because I have some news that’s light and hairy that I’m dying to tell you.
This year we adopted a Cairn Terrier. I want you to know this breed of dog wasn’t assigned that particular name for no reason. Terriers are working dogs and known for their tenacity. After having one for a while, I now believe that the word terrier is a derivate of the word terrorist, and let me tell you, “Scamp” is superb at his job. I never would have thought that the cute little 22 lb. (he’s a fatty) wheaten ball of fur who won the David Setterman award in Mardi Gras Pawrade could teach me a trick or two. But he has. Scamp has taught me that the wicker chairs in the kitchen taste good, and that one spot on the carpet upstairs makes a perfect doggy potty when no one is looking. He taught me to be tidy and not leave anything I value on the floor or at nose level. He also taught me that the promise of a sweet doggy face and wagging tail when I walk in the door makes up for having to say goodbye to the chewed up Christmas angel I’ve had since I was a kid.
Which reminds me of rule number three. Write about some of the funny things your kid said this year.
A month ago Antony said, “Mom, can we get another dog so Scampy will have a friend to play with when we aren’t home.”
After I finished rolling around on the floor laughing until my ribs ached and I nearly puked my guts out, I found myself perusing the Cairn website—just for more giggles. I swear, Petey spoke to me from the page. It was a miracle. “Take me home, Mom,” he barked.
I ignored him for the longest time, (about a day) and with my apprehension swiftly brushed under the soiled carpet, I welcomed Petey into our home with red Christmas ribbon around his sweet little black and silver puppy neck. So we are now a family of five—yours truly, Antony, his two furry little brothers, and a gold fish named Fish.
I was having trouble thinking of things to write about so went back to the site and peeked at rule number four. Christmas letters 101 advises the writer to mention the best book they’ve read all year. I tend to read Young Adult books, Southern Chick lit, Woman’s fiction, and anything Kerouac, but this year I tossed literature to the side for a day or three and delved into the dark side. Though I had heard complaints about the quality of the writing in the Fifty Shades of Grey series, it certainly held my attention. The first book is going to be a movie this year. If any of you are interested in seeing it, string me…I mean…ring me up.
On a more serious note, the fifth rule noted on the site was: write about your job.
A year and a half ago I parlayed a temporary position into a full time position at a large medical hospital. It was a life changing opportunity. I am an Epic Specialist and a Customer Support Analyst II. I provide computer support to medical personnel throughout the hospital. I have never worked with a better bunch of people. I look forward to a long and happy career.
Finally, the Christmas letters 101 encourages the letter writer to write about things done during the year with good friends and family.
My son Antony is twelve and is enjoying middle school very much. Kids. They grow up so fast.
This year we went to see Arlo Guthrie and Frankie Valli in concert. We also took a trip to Cherokee, stayed on the reservation, and participated in a Native American Powwow over the 4th of July. They had the best fireworks I have ever seen.
Last Christmas, my daughter Kirby delighted us with a visit. We hope to see her this year. Hint. Hint.
My oldest (not in age) and dearest friend, Julie, came all the way from Missouri to help celebrate my birthday this summer. What a fantastic present. Whenever we are together it’s as if we have never been apart.
Most recently my daughter, Dustan, my granddaughter, Stella, and Dustan’s friend, Simon, came to spend Thanksgiving with us in South Carolina. Talk about a triple blessing.
And speaking of blessings, I want to thank you for being here to read my first, and hopefully not my last Christmas letter. No matter that time and distance has separated some of us, I feel blessed to have each and every one of you in my life. Please be safe, take care of you and yourn, and have the jolliest, merriest, happiest Christmas ever.